family traditions and creating memories

Just returned from a four day, action-packed, fun-filled family gathering and I am living off the buzz one gets from being surrounded by people you love and by people who love you. Choosing to participate reaps great rewards. I considered not going on the family field trip and I am really grateful I chose to participate.

How great is that, to be cheered on by your friends for throwing a heavy ball down a wooden lane? For the nine of us, as amateur bowlers, there was no greater joy than hitting a few pins, let alone actually getting a spare or a strike. We each were given the opportunity to feel competent, humble, inept and the greatest opportunity was to not take ourselves too seriously. Who really cares in the big picture, if we keep throwing gutter balls. Okay, maybe I was the only one who bowled double zeros on one turn. Life will go on.

I felt like I was in a stand up comedy workshop weekend, with one liners being thrown around for all to enjoy. We watched each other fail miserably and were still able to find the humor in that. I think everyone should go bowling once a year for therapy.

Half of us agreed we should have only bowled one game, it was the second game that revealed our first game skills were just a fluke. The other half of us actually improved in the second game and secretly wanted to bowl all night. Pretty sure the bowling angels made sure we each got one strike to let us each leave with some of our self esteem intact.

Marriage Blessing and the gift of Energy from the Universe

Creator, Infinite Spirit,

We gather together this day to celebrate and to honor this marriage.

We acknowledge this marriage to be based on

love, faith, hope and trust.

Creator, Infinite Spirit,

We ask for a Blessing.

We ask that the Angels and Archangels join together in

Blessing this marriage.

We are grateful for the continuous Grace which surrounds this couple and their life together.

We are grateful for Divine Love and Light surrounding them and guiding them through both, life’s challenges and through life’s celebrations.

Creator, hear our prayer for a Divine Blessing on

this couple.

Help them to know Creator that they are never alone and are continually supported by your Divine Love and Guidance.

Bless this marriage, Creator and fill their hearts with love and compassion for one another.

Guide them through their future, Creator,

help them heal their past together and

help them to be present to one another with each new day.

We are grateful for these blessings.

Nameste’ AMEN

A couple of years ago, my partner and I celebrated 25 years of marriage. This prayer came to me on my morning walk and I jotted it down as I walked. After my walk, I promptly entered the prayer into the computer and once I had done that, my intuition guided me to beam it via email to all our friends and family. I asked each person to read this prayer with us in mind, to help us bless our marriage. We received such a gift of energy from the Universe as a result of this prayer being read with us in mind. The healing energy literally gave our relationship a boost and helped to move it into it's next step of evolution.

I offer this prayer to anyone who needs it or chooses to use it. I also offer it to a dear couple who was recently wed; whose hearts are filled with deepest love for one another and who celebrated their day, deep inside the earth's caves--now that's a grounded marriage.

Gratitude changes your attitude...and how to tap into that memory energy

Gratitude is contagious and I am grateful for that. Four years ago I gifted myself the opportunity to experience Sedona, Arizona for nine days. Today, I am reliving some of the memories from that time and it is literally raising me up out of the darkness. There is darkness and there is stillness and the two are not the same. I prefer stillness which brings me light, however, at the other side of the darkness there is also light. In the missing of the light, during the darkness, it almost makes the regaining of the light that much sweeter. Regardless, light is streaming in as I listen to Deva Premal sing the Gayatri Mantra.

I traveled to Sedona with a dear friend Hali and we set the intentions early in the planning of the trip to receive all that Sedona had to offer on all levels. As a result, every aspect of the journey was magical, as we reveled in being supported fully by the Universe. There are times in your life when all your stars line up and this creates amazing opportunities---and as we go through them we may not realize that this is a once in a lifetime opportunity, it will never come round again. So I look back today in gratitude and I tap into that flow of memory energy and use it to heal my soul's experience in the physical this day.

We arrived at the rental car counter eager to begin our drive from Phoenix to Sedona. The clerk is explaining to me that I can arrange for my 'significant other' to drive the car for free, but I would have to pay for anyone else to drive the car. Glancing at Hali, I quickly indicated that she was indeed my SO, especially if the SO drove the rental for free. This gave us plenty to kid about for the next nine days. It's a big commitment having an SO don't you know.

Just in case you don't know what it means to have all your stars lined up; I refer to my favorite Goethe quote; Until one is committed......All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. We lined up the perfect place to stay, in a condo in a golf community, very near the Bell Rock Vortex; owned by my 80 year old Tai Chi student's sister.

The first morning in Sedona, we stopped for breakfast at a little diner and while reading the local newspaper we discover that Deva Premal is having a concert that night at the local high school auditorium. We immediately call the contact number and we are informed that it is already sold out, but that we should come to the door anyway, it's likely that there will be a few tickets not used. Of course, when we got there later that evening, they had two tickets left and we were privileged to experience Deva Premal and Miten singing; and we also enjoyed the phenomenal experience of the whole audience joining in singing the chants with them.

Holographic Repatterning (now named Resonance Repatterning) was having it's annual conference in Sedona and that is what we had mainly come to participate in. The fact that Bruce Lipton would be speaking there was icing on the cake and so was the night we ate dinner with him. The fact that John Barnes' "Therapy on the Rocks" myofascial release healing center was in Sedona was icing on the icing, as would be the three sessions I received from them while I was there. Getting to meet the birth card ladies; Susan Hathaway and Debbie Crick was brilliant as were the card readings we received from them.

And then there is Sedona, with all the beauty, the red rocks, the wonderful energy present at the Vortexes--it is a thing we learn; you will get back ten-fold that which you send into an experience. We intended to tap into the highest level of healing at each of the vortexes and that is what we received....drumming at sunset on the Bell Rock, drumming at sunrise at the airport vortex, listening to the spirit guides laughing at the tourists who were 'looking for the vortex' at the Boyton Canyon Vortex--ahh, the coyote trickster energy is strong there.

Every meal we ate in Sedona was a delight, from the late night Tai food, to the delicious Indian food and even the Mexican food. The road trip to the Grand Canyon was effortless thanks to the Perelandra flower essences easing the impact from the altitude changes and everyone needs to try viewing the canyon with earplugs--tune out the world and make it your own--I highly recommend it. All in all, I have this memory energy inside me and it is there to heal me whenever I need it. Gratitude changes the attitude. Thank God.

the gift of the recent grief...or where's the gift?

We only knew the kitten for two months and yet we loved her whole-heartedly. She was so cute, lovable and loving to our young children. Her death came as a complete surprise and my reaction to this loss was an even greater shock to me. That day, I was filled with such a deep well of grief that I spent the whole entire day sobbing. As one hour passed to the next, I began to realize I was grieving way more than just this little kitten. What was going on inside me that I could not stop the grieving? Something inside me had been cracked open and I was being given the opportunity to feel griefs that spanned 25 years or more. Three deaths defined my past and the same three deaths shaped my future.

Losing three baby siblings, each one dying at the age of three left mysteries for each member of our family to unravel for decades to come. My three remaining siblings and my parents each grieved differently, separately and incompletely. Defined by the age we each were when each baby sibling died, our vulnerabilities were also defined. I don't know if it was worse for me to lose siblings at age 6, 10 and 13 or if it was more difficult for my younger sister who would have been 4, 8 and 11, or my older sister who was 9, 13, and 16 or my older brother who was 8, 12 and 15. With each age comes particular sensitivities and the age of 9 has been documented an an exceptionally challenging age to lose a loved one. Regardless, pain is pain, and pain will wait to be healed for as long as it takes. Our family must have come here to learn about grief. It is a thing that shapes how you see the world and how you fit in it.

My griefs have been great teachers to me and the lessons are still ongoing. As I share lessons learned, I learn even more. Stella the kitten was a gift to our family, especially to me. The gift she brought was a huge heart opening followed by a deep grief which cracked open all my other griefs. The vault which contained my griefs for so many years had been sprung open, like a thief in the night, she removed the barriers to my own self healing. Well-hidden emotions were exposed for reflection and review. I was given the option to look at my pain and I took it. I did not know when the opportunity might present itself again and I was tired of holding on to all that was unresolved.

There are rare times in life where we are given a second chance to get it right. Once I started to look more closely at my griefs, the second chances continued until I found the key to my own self healing. I had read books on grief by Levine, Kubler-Ross and finally the lesser-know Rosen. Rosen was the one who dealt specifically with sibling loss. I had explored every imaginable form of alternative healing, always looking for ways to finally heal my grief. Amazingly, the answer did lie within and I found my own answers to releasing this pain.

While looking at my grief that day, I wrote in my journal about the pain of the losses. I began to write, "I hate you, I hate you." A chord of truth was struck and it reverberated throughout my whole body, the visceral response in my body was palpable, every cell in my body woke up. For the first time, I was hearing truth. A huge wave of relief moved through my whole body as I felt heard for the first time. My secret was out; I hated the babies for dying. I hated them for leaving me behind and I hated them for taking away my one source of unconditional love.

Once I admitted to the hatred, anger easily rose up to be acknowledged next. I was angry at the babies for dying. Soon, I was feeling guilty for hating them and for being angry at them. As each emotion was accepted and admitted to, I began breathing them out, one by one. Again, the sense of relief was palpable, my whole body relaxed more and more. The gift of the death of a kitten has been a gift that has kept on giving.

get a new puppy...

What helps us get over loss, get over grief? Most often suggested when one experiences the loss of a dog, is to get a new puppy. Loss is known to each of us and so is the inability to move through it easily. We are all familiar with how it feels to lose someone near to us; whether it is a pet or a dear friend or a dear relative. We long for a deep breath, as it pains us to breathe at all and the heaviness upon our chest seems unrelenting.

We literally collapse into our grief, our chest cavity contracts as if to protect the heart from further hurt. Emotional collapse is a closing down, a limiting of the aperture which feeds our heart, our lungs. When our heart energy is limited, we feel less and sometimes this is easier to live with. Over time, living with less heart energy takes a toll on the whole body, mind and spirit. As a result, systems can begin to slow down and don't function as efficiently. Mostly, we don't notice what we are missing, until the suffering reaches a level where we experience discomfort or symptoms. Then the body, mind and spirit gets our attention and encourages us to get relief.

Our bodies can carry lots of grief, storing it collectively throughout the body. At some point though, our body may reach its limit and the straw breaks the camel's back. This is usually when you find your self inconsolable over the loss of a kitten you've only had for two months. You can't help but notice that you are a basket-case over a relatively minor thing. You realize that the amount of grief you are feeling seems way out of proportion for the experience itself. This could be your first clue that the dam has burst and that it's time to clean it up before it floods into your whole life.

So why does the new puppy do the trick? What key does the puppy seem to have? None other than the key to your heart. The new puppy opens your heart, just like a new baby or a new love. The new love expands the chest and allows more energy flow to the heart again. You are healed just by being in the presence of the new love. Similarily, you could begin a new project or begin something you can pour your heart into. Even the loss of a project can be replaced by beginning a new project. Placing all your dreams, visions and gratitude into the new project helps to heal the loss of old dreams and visions. Out with the old, in with the new....as in the breath, breathe out the old air, breathe in the fresh air and be healed in every breath.

Are you responsible or committed?

For the past couple of weeks this question has been posed by numerous clients. Are you responsible or committed? In my Reiki Repatterning work I tend to see themes which last for a period of time, where literally every person that comes in to see me has the same issue. This fact alone used to wig me out, ie. make me question myself and my reality and my abilities... now that I have noticed patterns happening in my mentoring work for the past 15 years, I am comfortable with this part of my reality.

One aspect of my life I am grateful for is being able to trade my Reiki services for massages, myofascial release sessions, breathwork, etc. A side benefit of all the bodywork trades I have done over the past 15 years, is hearing about similar shared experiences with bodyworkers, who will also see everyone coming in with the same shoulder issue for weeks at a time.

You might be curious how there can be actual themes for things that need healing in our lives. Having pondered this for years, I'll share my theory. These themes are the result of the changing influences we are under--literally under, as the influences of which I am speaking are the planetary influences.

Astrology is real, the frequencies coming in from the planets are real and they do come in different "flavors." Before you stop reading--hear me out.
There is one planet no one can ignore it's frequencies. The sun's influence is quite strong and quite easily felt. The moon has effects which also can be documented. Why then, do we draw the line for the rest of the planets; who clearly also have frequencies which occur on more subtle levels?

I don't pretend to understand everything about astrology, I enjoy my amateur status and open curiosity. The good news is that I can see patterns in my Reiki practice without knowing which planet caused what. My clients can heal themselves without this information also. Once I figured out these patterns are influenced by the movements of the heavens, I moved on to the real question; what's the most efficient way to create a healing opportunity for all involved?

Back to the 'flavor of the month', as I call it. Responsibility or Commitment, that is the question. Many of us are stuck in our lives because we do not want to take responsibility for our actions or even take responsible actions at all. In fact, anything that smacks of responsibility leaves a bad taste in our mouths. Why has being responsible become such a negative?

Look no further than your own childhood. Mom is yelling throughout the house, "who is responsible for this mess?" (If I had a nickel...) In my childhood with three siblings, it was a miraculous event when one of us claimed responsibility for "the mess." More frequently we relied on the "not me" theory of explanation, which naturally implied that there really are aliens and that they are very messy. Avoidance was mastered early in my house of pain, because that would always be the result of 'taking responsibility for your actions.' Not to blame mom at all, she was doing her job as best she could. I may even have to admit to similar experiences in my own children's lives--you know, before I healed all my stuff--right. (still in process, process, process)

Fear of responsibility is born of similar circumstances to these and by the time we are adults, we may be quite skewed in this area. The good news is that this too can be healed. Releasing old fears, old hatreds, old angers and old guilts paves the way for new choices and new beginnings. Re-committing to yourself is the first step, I now commit to my true self and allow that aspect to shine through me. Gradually, as our comfort with commitment increases, we find it easier to commit to things around us. Eventually, the word responsibility may lose it's bad connotation--it is a great word. In Jamie Sam's Sacred Path cards, she has a great description of responsibility--it is our ability to respond.
I think we all would like that in our lives.

Stepped into someone else's dream today....

What amazes me most about the following experience is not how negative someone can get over nothing, but that I was able to stay present enough to observe the scene before me without getting pulled into it or without having my day ruined by someone else's limited perceptions.

In five short minutes, the hardware store employee used more subtle yet negative words in my presence than I thought possible to compact into such a small chunk of time. Instead of being blessed with the “you can do it” attitude of the previous owners, I was “subtly slimed” with a shower of unconscious pollution.

While none of the negativity was directed at me, per se, I was on the receiving end energetically, if I chose to be. It is important to note that this exchange, this shared moment occured in an unconscious way, it was an old tape that I got to listen to, one that has probably been playing in this particular man’s psyche for about 65 years. I was given a window into his world and his perceptions. When he was done bashing the new computer system, he went on to bash himself and his abilities.

At one point, I considered defusing the situation with some humor or positive comments, but I was literally slowed down or so slayed by his litany that I went along for the ride down the stream. Is life but a dream? Or is this someone else’s nightmare?

We all desire the same things; to be useful, to be effective. We prefer to have life flow easily and effortlessly and are disconcerted at best when the bumps present. What we don’t realize is that we attracted the bumps to us and what we don’t believe is that we can change the ride in mid-step.

This person reminded me how we can unconsciously surround ourselves with negativity and think nothing of it. If it is so familiar to us to view everything from a critical position, we don't realize we have a choice to draw the positive to us, to literally create positive, joy-filled moments in every moment.

Every pattern we are carrying in this life can be changed. Let me put it another way; every pattern we are carrying in this life can be changed. And finally, to re-iterate, every single pattern we are living in this life can be traded in for a new, improved, updated version. Computers are not the only ones who can upgrade, update, download new information, reformat the system, reboot the system, improve the mainframe, create new versions,…you get the idea.

My old friends are still here....

Time was spent happily with the perennial beds this weekend; weeding interspersed itself amoung the other things on the 'to-do' list. It was five-minute bursts of weed-pulling out in the beautiful spring weather, getting plenty of dirt under my finger nails and then remembering what else needed to get done, cleaning the nails again and knocking off another item on the 'to-do' list.

My gardens are full of all my old friends; a living scrapbook of the lives with which I have shared. I was pleasantly reminded of all the folks who have shared plants with me; and although many of these folks are no longer part of my life, their plants still are.

Now, as I gaze upon nature in all her glory, I have the option of what part of past relationships to remember in the midst of all this beauty. Choosing to treasure the fond memories as I look at the plants comes easily this year and I don't dwell on the reasons we have chosen to part ways.

I am grateful for these people and for the role they played in my life in the past. I am grateful for the support they once offered me and for all the shared experiences.

I am also grateful that I no longer long for their company, as this indicates to me that I have moved on in my life and that I am at peace with life's many changes. Finally, I am grateful to know that it is really "ok" for people to change, to grow, to follow their heart and to need different people around them who reflect these changes back to them.

Sharing a plant with someone is a sacred act; you are sharing a living organism with someone whom you trust to take good care of your "baby." When I look at a plant, I am immediately linked to the person who gave me the plant. I am reminded of their generosity and that there is generosity in the world. I am reminded of this person's special qualities and value the chance I had to be in the presence of those qualities for a time.

Of all the gifts I have been given, plant-givers hold a special place in my heart. It's as if I have a permanent opening for them, an opening to connect back to me if they choose to re-connect on a heart level.

Are you smiling on the inside?

I have this internal knowing that is very clear the moment I open my eyes in the morning and realize a new day has begun. In an instant, I know if my energy is high or low, humming or depleted. Today, I woke up somewhere in the middle; not exactly humming and not exactly low. I am always especially grateful for the humming days, as I feel like I must be "doing everything right" to be keeping my energy balanced and "humming." It occurs to me, where my newest learning is, is to be grateful that I have this instant energy gauge in my body at all. I also see this as an opportunity to release yet another layer of the continuum, "there is a wrong and a right" vs. there is no wrong and no right---only opportunities to love myself no matter what. Once again, it IS all about LOVE. So I breathe out, literally breathe out this statement; "there is something wrong with me" and I release it as far back as it connects to me.....even if it connects to great, great aunt Martha, who I never met. I inhale self-love from the Universe, from the Divine and I am ready to begin another grace-filled day.
This photo was taken about 30 years ago by Michael Wisniewski, using an SEM(scanning electron microscope) and these are the embryonic(newborn) leaves of a Sweetgum tree (Hamamelidaceae-- Liquidambar styraciflua). These guys are hiding out there in nature right now, under the bud scales at the tips of branches on the sweetgum trees. Once these leaves 'grow up', they look like a five pointed star.

knock, knock, who's there?

We are all searching for answers, searching for soulmates, searching for happiness...How will we ever know which path to take, which door to open? Step one, I call off the search . Then I start knocking. The initial door to knock on is your own; see if you are home first. Have you taken the time to get to know yourself? Have you made an appointment with 'me, myself and I' lately? Sometimes, I have five minutes for my "me" appointment and other times I have tons of time, like, 15 minutes. I sit in the silence, breathe, breathe some more, tune into how I feel; ...how I feel in my body,... how I feel in my life and how I feel in my heart. In the silence, I knock on my soul's door and I ask for support and I ask for love and I ask for help. In the silence, I asked to be filled with the light of the Divine so that I may again remember how to create another blessed day of joy and gratitude. This brings me back to neutral, I am opinion-free, ready to look at the world with fresh eyes and an open heart.

Birth of a Blog

I stand on the precipice of the unknown, this time consciously. Consciously incompetent, knowing now what it is that I don't know about; the land of the blogger. I take this leap of faith, content to be moving forward, moving at all, moving my moving. I welcome all to the land of my perception and hope that it tastes sweet before it tastes bitter.